What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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