he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
