You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
