No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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