Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I stole a fireplace last night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize