I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
