I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
