I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
