Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
