My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
