Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
