Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
