I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
