Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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