Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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