I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
