So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize