isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
