is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
