Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
