Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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