Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize