Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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