If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Its about making memories worth repressing
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize