She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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