JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
