I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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