I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
