Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
