I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize