Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
