whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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