life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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