can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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