Sponge bath it is.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
