i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
