Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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