you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
