No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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