i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
