please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
it's great music for shaving your balls
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
