do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
