Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
