I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
