Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
