why didn't you poke me back
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
