let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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