"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
