she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
