garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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