was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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