I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
