Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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