The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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