this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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