textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
