dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
