cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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