After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
