this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She needs sedatives and a leash
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
