$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
