I think I am morally bankrupt
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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