alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
