dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
