She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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