Well douche your snatch and let's go!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
