I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
