Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
