my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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