i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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