What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
