he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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