Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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