yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
