My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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