Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
