i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
