Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
