I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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