I could make wine with my vomit
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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