Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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