So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
