Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
