Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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