I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize