so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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