We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
