maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize