Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
