don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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