Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
