Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
