I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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