Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
