I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
