Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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