I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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