I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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