We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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